I used to think that "free range parenting" was extreme. I used to think that free range parents opened the door in the morning to let the kids go out and had no idea where they were until they returned home in the evening. I used to think that free range parents were crazy.
This is from the free range kids website: "Do you ever...let your kid ride a bike to the library? Walk to school? Make dinner? Or are you thinking about it? If so, you are raising a Free-Range Kid! Free-Rangers believe in helmets, car seats, seat belts — safety! We just do NOT believe that every time school age kids go outside, they need a security detail."
Out of curiosity, I borrowed the book, Free Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy from the library. Page after page, it all made sense. This is not extreme parenting or neglect, this is about teaching your children to care for themselves, gain independence, and be safe. This is also about trusting your children enough to give them some freedom. We cannot control every aspect of the lives of our children. So many of us are trying to do that, and that is why we find parenting so much more difficult than generations before us.
There are a few things in this book that really resonated with me:
- Not every little thing you do has that much impact on your child's development
- Crimes against children are plummeting; this is not a more dangerous country than it was when we were kids. Sensationalism in the media is leading us to believe that it is. (One example: There is no evidence that any child has ever been killed or hurt by a contaminated trick or treat candy. Yet, we all think that there were people poisoning candy and sticking razor blades in apples. MYTHS.) According to this book, crime has returned to the levels of the early seventies.
- Organized activities are not a substitute for free play
- Unsupervised playgrounds are the norm in other countries
- Do not tell your children not to talk to strangers; tell them not to "go off with strangers". Otherwise, they may be afraid to ask a stranger for help in an emergency situation.
This book is helping me realize that I do not have to be a supermom, and I don't have to feel guilty about it either. Don't get me wrong, I love to do things with my children and provide wonderful experiences for them. That will never change. I will still do all of the fun things I do now, but I would also like to give my children some freedom to explore things on their own once in a while. I do not want to hover over them and lead them to believe that I don't trust them or believe they can succeed without me. The problem is that there are books and websites and lots of other information telling us that we have to do everything just right or our children will fail. Well guess what? Everyone experiences failure and I cannot prevent that experience (nor should I want to) from happening to my children.
At the end of every chapter in the book, there are free range baby steps. One example is to let your school-age child go into a public bathroom alone while you wait outside. There is also an A-Z guide of everything you may be worried about; this list includes BPA, internet predators, halloween candy, etc. and there is some great information that can help you relax a bit.
I do not claim to be a free range parent. Like I said, I am a worrier and occasionally I am overprotective, but after reading this book, I am realizing that it is important to let our children have some independence. I'm working on it!
*I was not compensated in any way for this blog post. I did not even receive a copy of the book (though, I would love one!); I borrowed the book from the library.
