After reading the post about this book at Almost Unschoolers, and reading all of the comments on that post, I had to read the book for myself.
If you have not heard of the book, Peggy Orenstein, the mother of a daughter, sets out to discover whether princesses, Hannah Montana, and all things pink and girly are destroying the self-esteem and well-being of the little girls of the world.
I did learn a few interesting things from this book. For one thing, did you know that when nursery colors were first introduced, pink used to be considered a masculine color and girls were often dressed in blue because it was associated with the Virgin Mary and also symbolized constancy, faithfulness, and femininity (think Alice in Wonderland, Cinderella, and Dorothy)? I also learned about how the huge Disney princess craze came about.
Honestly though, I rolled my eyes more often than not while reading this book. I consider the author to be an alarmist and alarmists give me a headache. Furthermore, have you read the title of this blog? We are big fans of princesses in our house. I don't think they lead to eating disorders, perfection issues, or anything remotely sexual. I think there is a big difference between playing dress up and performing in beauty pageants. I have no interest in enrolling my daughter in beauty pageants, but she can dress up like a princess at home whenever she wants and I am not the least bit concerned that it will harm her in any way. I also don't think superheroes teach boys that violence is acceptable, and I am happy to let my children play with toy guns. I have plenty of friends who do not let their children play with toy guns and that is their choice, but I often see their boys turning everything else into guns so what is the point of banning the toy?
Back to the book...and the whole concept of princesses somehow harming our children. Again, I know people who do not let their children have any princess items. Their reasoning is that the children somehow get hooked on the notion that they have to be perfect and that their sole purpose in life is to find Prince Charming and get married. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm....let me tell you that I have very vivid memories of being a young girl and dreaming about getting married and having beautiful children and a beautiful house. I don't remember having any princess toys though, and I certainly didn't have princess dresses or tiaras. Why can't little girls pretend to be something they think is just wonderful? I played "house" a lot as a kid - was it bad that I dreamed about being a grown up and having children? PUHLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE! Give me a break. What should I want my children to play - corporate executives? What is wrong with fairy tales and happily ever after? Don't we, as adults, still hope and dream that we will live happily ever after? I know I do. How many adults do you know that got all wrapped up in the royal wedding? Should we worry about those adults?
We try to keep our children young. Our daughter is not allowed to get her ears pierced yet or dress like a teenager. There will be no two piece bathing suits around here. Our television has not seen the likes of iCarly or Hannah Montana because R is just five and I think the shows are too mature for her. I know plenty of people who let their young daughters watch these shows and that is their choice, but it is not right for my daughter. On the other hand, I think princesses are just right for her, and I don't think her Barbie dolls will cause her to have body image issues. I only mention my daughter in this paragraph because it doesn't seem that little boys try to be older than they are; it is definitely more of an issue for girls.
That is the key, what is right for your family? What do you want your children to believe? Nothing else matters really. Just because I don't want my daughter in a two piece bathing suit, doesn't mean it is wrong for your daughter. What is right for me, is not necessarily right for you, and if only we could get past that notion, the world would be a much better place.
Speaking of that, I am going off on another tangent for a minute. It used to be that working mothers were criticized, and it seems to me that the tables have turned a bit. Please don't think I am criticizing working mothers - I used to be one and I know plenty of working mothers who manage to work and take care of their children. But, lately, I find that people are criticizing my choice to stay home with my children. They ask questions like: How can you stand to be home all day? Don't you worry that your children aren't learning independence? Don't you think that the projects and activities you do with your children prevent them from learning to play on their own? (so annoying, as if I sit and occupy my children all day long, but I get that A LOT), and here is the one that BUGS ME THE MOST --- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WHEN YOUR CHILDREN GROW UP? Why this is any of their concern, I do not know, but people (lots of people) have asked me that question. They must worry that my children will grow up and I will wither away, alone without anything to do all day. So, right now I am going to tell you that I LOVE TO be a mom and I LOVE to stay home with my children. This does not make me lazy, and it certainly does not mean that I am not willing to work!!!!!!!!!! I am very fortunate to be able to stay home with my children. I can bring them to school, I can go to their soccer and basketball games, I can take them to practices, and I can cook their meals and wash their clothes. I also love being able to take care of my husband (gasp, did I really say that I like to take care of him? Feminists around the world are already planning an intervention). I don't claim to be the best mother or the best wife, but I love that I am able to do my best for my family and I really don't think I should be criticized for that. I love Donna Reed and June Cleaver, and I'm happy to put on my apron and pearls and go about my day.
In summary (finally, right?) and back to the premise behind the book, I think children need positive role models in their lives. If a child has parents that are obsessed with perfection and body image, most likely the child will grow up with those same obsessions. We try to encourage our children to lead healthy lives. We certainly eat our share of sweets, but we also emphasize the importance of healthy foods. Exercise is important in our house too. Our children will ride their bicycles, play sports, and spend a good amount of time running around outside. That is not negotiable. If while running around outside, they want to play superheroes and princesses, well then that is just wonderful and I am not the least bit concerned about it.
16 comments:
Christy, two thumbs up. I am also a stay at home Mom, now after having worked through most of my first two children's early years. I consider myself so blessed to be able to be home with my last child, and I myself find a vast difference in the relationship I have with her. She is so independent and full of life, and her spirit is not dampened in the least by spending time with me all day. I have very fond memories of growing up together with you and your sister and the hours we spent dreaming about growing up and getting married (yes even to MJ himself, lol)and the many imagination hours we spent together. Today our children are bombarded from every direction with social misdirection and belief that they need to dress and be grown up long before their times. If my 11 y.o. would rather play dolls or dress up with her 4 y.o. sister than go to the mall and hang out with her friends..then I for one, will continue to encourage her to don the tiaras and boas, for as long as I can. Thanks for the insightful review!
I'm here to say,"Go girl!" There's way too much judgment all around which are usually self-serving. With that said...I think we all have our biases. We're not very much into buying loads of Disney products although we did buy her one costume and we are going to Disneyland. We let K watch Disney movies but every time we do, she walks away saying things like, "I need a beautiful dress so I can get a prince" or "I'm not beautiful because I don't have red hair like Ariel." It takes extra effort to counteract those messages so I limit the movies to only once in awhile. As for guns, I see a lot of kids pretending with guns but K is sensitive to killing so she never pretends or makes guns with things. She even says she feels bad for the animals and I worry that she might turn vegetarian with her limited diet as is!
I get that response about how you can stay home and people suggesting I get a real job and send K to school. While I have respect for parents who juggle work and home life, I choose not to. I've given my all to my job when I needed and wanted to and now it's time to give my best to our family. I learned early on that while I'm thankful for my parents for working hard to make ends meet, I longed to have family time. Once your kids are grown, it's not the same. Might as well enjoy their company when they WANT to be with us and enjoy retirement once the kids are grown.I might even work again at that point or if we're lucky, we'll just travel.
You have to do what's right for your family. I'm sure you're doing a fabulous job! I love these "Hear me roar" posts. It gives me a chance to roar too. ;)
I told you it would be a good book for a book club type discussion. Even if you don't agree with it, or think the author is overthinking things, it leaves you with a lot of thoughts :)
I totally agree with your opinions! I mean come on, I don't think my dreaming of being a princess and being swept off my feet by a wonderful prince to live "Happily Ever After" harmed me in any way. This is what creativity and imagination is all about.
After reading your review of this book it made me think of when my daughter was in school, and we were informed by her teachers that children were not suppose to have an imagination. I always thought WHAT!!! GIVE ME A BREAK!! Could you imagine our world if no one ever had an imagination? We would not have men in outer space, computers, TV, you name it it all started from someone's imagination.
You go for it Christy! I know that Selena has everything princess, and we even watched the Royal Wedding with much emphasis put on the Princess, and the Prince and Selena's favorite part the Prince kissing the Princess.
I say let our children dream, maybe through their dreams they will come up with the one thing that will make this world a better place for everyone.
Oh my goodness-I couldn't have said it better myself!!! I don't have a daughter, but I have nieces and I agree with everything you said!! Well done.
Very interesting. I haven't read the book, although I would like to. I think there is a misconception in our society, however, that "feminists" are against SAHMs and the idea of women taking care of their families. I absolutely consider myself a feminist and feel that there are many societal roles that a woman can play. Feminism is very complex issue and has unfortunately become a partisan buzz word.
Amen! The funniest thing is the notion that we wouldn't want our daughters to grow up and find their prince charming. Why the heck not? What's wrong with that? We should want the best for our kids.
Some don't agree, but it seems like it's the liberal feminist that are against stay at home moms. Or women having kids at all. There's this whole trend about not having kids, to save the environment and more crap.
What ticks me off the most is those feminists that are always bashing Sarah Palin and even her down syndrome baby. I don't want her to be the next president, but I don't think her and her family should be constantly beaten down by the left. It's especially upsetting when this commentary comes from other women.
Sorry, brought up politics, but I think a lot of this "no princess" crap is from the tree hugging hippies.
I have always believed in moderation, even more so since having children. You always want what you cannot have and so we allowed disney and barbies to come into our home once we thought our daughter was old enough. There was a period of time, probably 6-10 months, during which she was really into all of that and we spent a lot of extra time exploring the idea that stories can be told many ways and read the same stories (cinderella, sleeping beauty, etc.) from many authors and cultures. We often call princesses "girls" because that is what they are and sometimes their fabulousness gets in the way of that idea. My daughter is fascinated by stories in which the princess is not in sparkly beautiful clothes but rather more ordinary clothing. Much in the same way she was fascinated to hear that my grandmother wore her Sunday best, a brown dress, for her wedding day. Things can change even within a hundred years.
I remember the day I actually purchased my daughters first Barbie at a garage sale. I was standing there arguing with myself. She was 3.5 yrs. old and entering the height of the pretend play phase and she had spent 10 minutes with this doll and already had a fabulous storyline going on and I realized that to her it was just a doll. All the social and cultural baggage that comes with the idea of Barbie was mine and unless I shared it with her it would remain mine. Which led me to wonder, how did it become mine? I never have and still don't look at Barbie and get depressed about my chest size or thighs. It is real life social and cultural icons on the cover of People that can bring that on, if I allow it to. So our society told me that I should feel bad because Barbie is lovely? I don't know anyone who would give a child a doll with a frowny face or any other kind of negative attribute to play with. Although as an aside, my mother who is a great recycler of things, brought L some Barbies once who were so well loved (sporting crazy hairdos and missing limbs) and she played with them no problem although they did seem to take on more of the male roles in her stories. She finally brought me one of them which was missing both legs at the knee and said, "I don't want Sloppy Joppy anymore, you can donate her" I asked her why and she said that she couldn't stand up anymore. I told her she stilled played with Annie (a beautiful Barbie missing one whole leg) why not Sloppy and she said "Annie can still hop"... Why do we worry about kids, they always work it out in their own way.
I'm not a fan of alarmist anything. I LOVE staying home with my kids, and I thoroughly enjoy watching Cinderella with them too =)
AMEN AMEN AND AMEN! And I totally agree there does seem to be a stigma against stay at home Moms.
I just finished reading this book and I think as an author Orenstein has to go to extremes when she's writing about a subject. As readers it is our job to take what we need from what she's written, be that a new perspective on how our kids and we are marketed to, or a different way of looking at what the princess stage means for our daughters.
I think in the end playing Princess games is not the issue; it's raising our daughters to consider beauty as something that comes from the inside out and not the other way around. As mothers we want happy confident daughters, how we raise them is up to us. We all do the best we can and make the choices that are best for us, our children and our families. This book just high lights this.
In my case,when we look at toys for our girls we try to make choices that steer clear of pink for pink sake, we try to keep an open dialogue about marketing and the media with her so that she will be as savvy as the media claims she already is.
I chose to read this book because I'm interested in the topic and now I have a few more things to think about, a few more tools in my Mommy belt and a sense that my parenting choices are in line with my goals as a mother and a feminist. You're right when you say that there is no one right way to parent. I don't get the feeling that Orenstein is making a judgment so much as she is raising questions to get parents thinking.
Fabulous post...you articulated your thoughts very well!
For a long time I wanted to avoid all princess propaganda...meaning much of the things that write the word "princess" on them. For a long time I related princess to spoiled and prissy...for various reasons.
Though I don't like all the Disneyfied princesses...probably bc of the mass quantities of merchandise (I don't like to buy ANY character bedding, though we do by Pooh and princess books, we have a Toy Story game...I just don't want to invest tons in it.) Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't even like the God's Little Princess stuff...bc I feel like it is just to sell STUFF. But I do really like how there are some God-honoring children's books out there that discuss how princesses have a responsibility to be humble and share of themselves or how a knight does the honorable thing.
With all that said, we have lots of dress-up stuff for my daughter, including princess stuff. My opinion NOW is that moderation of any pretend play is okay...and that it is my responsibility to share with her that even a pretend princess has responsibilities to do good and be kind to others...and above all honor God in all they do.
Super post, and great discussion in the comments! I still haven't read this book, but I bet I'd agree that the author blows things out of proportion.
I think it's all about a healthy balance, and I absolutely think we all should be able to have our dreams and our imaginations!
Well, I consider myself a liberal feminist, but I am not at all against SAHMs. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that the parents are role models to their children. It's one thing to pretend play princess, it's another thing when mothers communicate to their daughters that beauty matters more than their intelligence, kindness or strength. I do believe that there is a set point for femininity, just as for other things. For my daughter (and myself) this set point is rather low, but I wouldn't deny her princess toys if she wanted them. I do draw my line at makeup. I still want to read the book, because from the summary I read I thought the author made some good suggestions on how to balance pop-culture messages with focus on sports and friendships between sexes.
Fabulous post!! I definitely agree!
Kerri
Oh, the questions I've been asked since choosing to stay home with the kids -- arg!!!!! SO ANNOYING!! You're so right. Finding what's right for your family is key. Great post, Christy!!
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